Sometimes if you ask me what I'm feeling, I may not be able to tell you
It's there somewhere, But out of my reach.. elusive
Like a wisp of cloud, I try to grasp, it but it slips away
Too many years of trying not to feel denying what was there
Too many times where it seemed like, everything I felt, was completely wrong
Too many moments of trying, desperately to pretend, I felt something I did not
If you see me crying helplessly, and ask me what I'm feeling
I may not be able to tell you
head down.. tears in my eyes.. I confess.. the long pause is agonizing... You finally speak.. and the weight of Your disappointment feels unbearable...
but I hang on..instead of fleeing into my own misery.. I cling to Your words
squirming in embarrassment at the public confession.. knowing You want this to stay in my mind, that the prick to my silly pride will linger in me....
You send me away and I feel myself sinking into a deep pool of self doubt, the feeling so overwhelming it leaves me breathless..
but You arrive.. and firmly grab on... and gently start to pull me out.. holding tight so I cannot slip away..
You forgive me, even thought I cannot yet forgive myself, You hold me close to show me You are there.. and You kiss me to remind me you love me...
You beat me to bring me back.. to release the tight knot in my belly.. full of my own fear..
You wrap me up in Your arms and Your words.. and as I'm drained of all the tension.. You insist that all that is left.. is to go forward together.. the balance between U/us restored..
